Welcome To The Karl Pearson Commerative Hall!
Karl Pearson (1857  1936) was an English mathematician whose work contributed significantly to the development of mathematical statistics and impacted the fields of biology, epidemiology, anthropometry, medicine and social history. In 1901, he founded the Biometrika journal to help further develop statistical theory. His work underpins many of the classical statistical methods that are still in use today such as linear regression, correlation and the classification of distributions. For additional information on Karl Pearson, refer to http://www.ucl.ac.uk/statistics/department/pearson
Now displaying the humorous side of Statistics...  
51) 
As Twain DIDN'T say: "liars, outliers, and outandout liars!" (Nor did Disraeli...)

52) 
A Bayesian and a Frequentist were to be executed. The judge asked them what were their last wishes. The Bayesian replied that he would like to give the Frequentist one more lecture. The judge granted the Bayesian's wish and then turned to the Frequentist for his last wish. The Frequentist quickly responded that he wished to hear the lecture again and again and again and again...

53) 
What do statistics professors get when they drink too much? Kurtosis of the Liver!

54) 
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics (statistics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house.

55) 
"When she told me I was average, she was just being mean."

56) 
Old statisticians never die they just become nonsignificant.

57) 
What's the question the Cauchy distribution hates the most? Got a moment?

58) 
How many statisticians does it take to screw in a light bulb? We really don't know yet. Our entire sample was skewed to the left!

59) 
Did you know that if you torture the data long enough, that eventually it will confess?

60) 
If the 2nd moment about the mean is the variance, the 3rd moment is skewness, and the 4th moment is kurtosis, what is the kth moment? That's easy....the kth moment is a KODAK MOMENT!!!

61) 
What's the difference between a physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician? The physicist calculates until he gets a correct result and concludes that he has proven a fact. The mathematician calculates until he gets a wrong result and concludes that he has proven the contrary of a fact. The statistician calculates until he gets a correct result about an obviously wrong proposition and concludes NOTHING, because the explanation is the task of the scientist who consulted the statistician.

62) 
A friend was bragging to a statistician over coffee one afternoon how twoday volatility in the stock market had treated his holdings rather kindly. He chortled, "Yeah...yesterday I gained 60% but today I lost 40% for a net gain of 20%." The statistician sat in horrified silence. He finally mustered the courage and said, "My good friend I'm sorry to inform you but you had a net loss of 4%!!!"

63) 
"I'm not an outlier  I just haven't found my distribution yet!"

64) 
"What do you get when you trade your Rolls Royce for a Chevrolet owned by Julia Childs? You get CHEVYCHEF's INEQUALITY!!!

65) 
A mathematician, applied mathematician and a statistician all apply for the same job. at the interview, they are are asked the question, what is 1 + 1. The mathematician replies, "I can prove that it exists but not that it is unique." The applied mathematician after some thought replies, "the answer is approximately 1.99 with an error in the region of 0.01." The statistician steps outside the room, mulls it over for several minutes, and eventually in desperation returns and inquires, "So what do you want it to be?"

66) 
Why is a physician held in much higher esteem than a statistician? A physician makes an analysis of a complex illness whereas a statistician makes you ill with a complex analysis!

67) 
What did the Box Plot say to the outlier? "Don't you dare get close to my whisker!!" 
68) 
What did one regression coefficient say to the other regression coefficient? I'm partial to you!

69) 
Why did the naive researcher stop at the lumber yard before analyzing his data? A stuttering statistician told him, "A A...2 x 4 A A...ANOVA wood...would be needed for his...his analysis."

70) 
Why did Yogi Bear become a statistician? Because he discovered that truth could be inferred on the basis of bare facts.

71) 
Here is a cute variation of the light bulb joke: How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb? 100  1 to change the bulb and n1 to test the replacement!!!

72) 
A beautiful young woman was dating a mathematician and a statistician, and she knew she had to make a decision. The two young fellows knew of each other, and were all the time trying to impress her with their intelligence. The woman decided that she would put the two young men to a test, and the winner would be her husband. She brought them into a small room and explained to them, "I have decided to end this battle between you, and pick one of you for my lifelong partner. You must pass a simple test which I have devised. In turn, I want each of you to stand on that side of the room, and I will stand on this side of the room. Every 10 seconds, I want you to walk half the distance between us towards me until you get to me. Once you get to me, I wan you to give me a kiss." The mathematician quickly thinks he has the answer to the test, and wants to be the first to proclaim it. "I refuse to do such a thing!" the mathematician said. "If i always walk half the distance toward you, I will never get to you. There will always be some distance left, no matter how small, and it can always be split in half!" The mathematician knows he has won and smirks quietly to himself. The statistician thinks for a second, and says, "I'll give it a whirl." So, he stands on the other side of the room from the young woman, and then walks half way to her. After 10 seconds, he walks half way to her again. Then again. After about 2 minutes, the statistician is face to face with the young woman, their noses almost touching. Suddenly, he grabs her and givers her a big kiss! The mathematician shouts, "Hey! You can't do that! You weren't all the way there! You CAN'T ever get all the way there by going half way each time!" The statistician replies, "Well, FOR ALL PRACTICAL PURPOSES, I was there!!!" The young woman and the statistician were wed that next spring.

73) 
Two statisticians and their accountant buddy were having lunch together one day at a topsecret government research installation in the desert. The two statisticians were discussing how that afternoon they would finish analyzing data from four groups of aliens captured from spacecrafts. The first statistician stated firmly that the experimentwise error rate should be controlled by using Tukey. The second statistician disagreed vigorously and replied that the experimentwise error rate should be controlled by using Bonferonni. Suddenly, the accountant's face became white as a sheet. He yelled, "I always knew that experiment with aliens would get us into big trouble some day. Since the aliens are going to attack us this afternoon you are both dead wrong. The only way to control the AIR RAID is to use the installation's bomb shelter!!!! I'm out of here...

74) 
"My life is an experiment I never had a chance to properly design."  Diana Ballard

75) 
You know how dumb the average person is? Well, by definition, half the population is dumber than that!

76) 
What did the new statistics professor do when his lecture on analysis of variance flopped in front of a large class? He had to go OVA ANOVA ANOVA it again!!!

77) 
Knock! Knock!

78) 
One day the variance and the standard deviation were engaged in a heated argument over which was the better measure of variability. The standard deviation shouted at the variance, "You are useless because you don't even related to the original score scale." The variance glared back and yelled, "Oh year! You are totally worthless because you are far too radical." Just then the mean deviation stepped between the two inc ides and pushed them both back. in a proud voice the mean deviation proclaimed, "You are both wrong! I am ABSOLUTELY the best measure of variability since both of you would be worth ZERO if you didn't square your deviations!!!!"

79) 
Did you hear about the statistician who was about to analyze data gathered from a nudist colony? He didn't know whether to use a one or a twotailed test!!!!

80) 
An engineer, consultant and statistician were driving down a steep mountain road in County Donegal one evening. All of a sudden the brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. But half way down, the driver somehow managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowly avoiding going over a very steep cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed. The consultant said: "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, write several interim reports and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution." The engineer said: "No! That would take far too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty penknife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it." The statistician said: "No  you're both wrong! Let's all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again. We only have an N of 1 here!!"

81) 
What is the difference between a statistician and a mortician? Nobody's dying to see the statistician!

82) 
A statistician suddenly became despondent because he feared his fiveyear old computer was not Year2000 compliant. Since statisticians by nature are frugal, he consulted a mail order catalog thinking he might find something within his price range. He was surprised to see just what he wanted on the very first page. The advertisement read, "The Little Red Devil specially priced at $10.00 until Jan. 1, 2000! This exceptional machine is fully Y2K compliant and ships with SPSS preloaded. Hurry while supply lasts." The statistician was overjoyed and immediately ordered "The Little Red Devil." When the package arrived in several days, he was quite concerned that it was very small and weighed several pounds. Nevertheless, he quickly unwrapped the package and skimmed off all the peanut form packing. There cradled in the box staring him squarely in the face in all its splendor and glory was a red EtchASketch!!! Underneath the EtchASketch lay a single yellow sheet of technical instructions. The statistician angrily pulled the sheet out and began reading the list of troubleshooting questions and answers. THE LITTLE RED DEVILMODEL Y2K Q: My Little Red Devil has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. Q:How do I turn off my Little Red Devil? Q: How do I create a New Document Window? Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color? Q: Why is there only 2K of memory?. Q: How do I launch SPSS with my Little Red Devil?. Q: How do I delete a document on my Little Red Devil? Q: How do I save a document on my Little Red Devil? Finally, if you have any further questions not covered by the above, call our tollfree hot line at 1800SHAKEIT. By now, the statistician was furious and he slammed the EtchASketch to the ground and shattered the high resolution screen into thousands of pieces. He boiled for several minutes then went directly to his study closet, tugged on a musty box, and pulled out his heavy Marchant rotary calculator from the 1960's!!

83) 
Did you hear about the statistics professor that suddenly turned bearish and sold off all his stocks? His department chair told him that severe grade inflation had occurred in his courses and interest rates among the students had skyrocketed!!!;

84) 
A OneWay ANOVA and a TwoWay ANOVA were talking shop one day. The OneWay said, "I sure do envy the interaction you have with your variables." The TwoWay frowned and replied, "Yah, but the minute it diminishes to any significant extent they really become independent and go their own separate ways."

85) 
There were four technicians travelling in a car, until it broke down. The statistician was the first to react and proclaimed to his colleagues that there was no problem. "Let me explain. The works fine. It is 6 years old, has run up 200,000 miles, and the engine has run perfectly for 5000 hours. The problem is experimental error and should be forgotten about!"" The second technician, being a mechanical engineer, and not so easily fooled decided the alternator was malfunctioning. Unable to fix it, he turned to his colleague the electrical engineer for help. This guy decided that the ignition was the problem, but after some tinkering was also unable to fix the problem. Finally, the computer scientist smugly looked at the other technicians and calmly suggested that everyone should get out of the car, then get back inside again!!

86) 
Did you hear the one about the sign outside the statistics lab? "DANGER: Enter at your own risk. Informavore feeding frenzy in progress."

87) 
Two students were walking out of statistics class one day. One was grinning ear to ear and the other was frowning woefully. The one that was grinning said, "Boy, the instructor sure gave an inspired lecture on hypothesis testing today. He said that out of the four outcomes that can occur when you test the null hypothesis, two are correct decisions and two are errors. He praised this procedure as the Holy Grail of statistical analysis." The other student looked at his classmate in dismay. He stated, "Well I certainly was not impressed with his lecture and totally disagree with him. ANY STATISTICAL PROCEDURE FOR MAKING A CORRECT DECISION THAT IS NO BETTER THAN FLIPPING A COIN IS PRETTY BAD!!!"

88) 
A traveler trudged down a dusty road alongside a pasture. Seeing a shepherd shouting and whistling at his sheepdog rounding up a flock of sheep, the traveler shouted "I BET YOU A HUNDRED BUCKS AGAINST ONE OF YOUR SHEEP I CAN GUESS THE SIZE OF YOUR FLOCK." The shepherd agreed to the bet. The traveler then yelled loudly, "Nine hundred forty tow," exactly the number in the flock. The traveler then picked out his prize and trudged down the road, but the shepherd shouted after him: " I BET I KNOW WHAT YOU DO!" The traveler agreed to another wager about this matter, and the shepherd then stated, "YOU'RE A STATISTICIAN." The traveler was startled. "How did you know?????" The shepherd replied, "Well, put down my dog, and I'll tell you."

89) 
In a statistics class an instructor had just delivered what he thought was a very scintillating presentation on twovariable regression analysis. He looked up from the glare of the overhead projector and noticed that a student in the back of the classroom was in a semisnooze. This proved too much for the instructor's ego and he scowled angrily at the student. He said, "Young man I want you to answer a question about this problem. For a person with an Xvalue of 45, is the predicted Yvalue above or below the subgroup Ymean?" The dazed student looked up fro ten seconds then responded, "Yes." The instructor could not believe his ears and quickly snapped back, "Young man this is not a yeno question! Just say above or below." The student responded, "Above or below!" The instructor answered, "Yes." The student was wide awake now and retorted, "SIR. THAT WAS MY ORIGINAL ANSWER." A physician makes an analysis of a complex illness whereas a statistician makes you ill with a complex analysis!

90) 
One day a consulting statistician just remembered that a client was waiting for a set of frequency polygon CHARTS. They needed to be delivered immediately. Since the weather was humid and sticky the statistician threw on a Tshirt and some wrinkled SHORTS and rushed out the door. Somewhat discombobulated, he jumped into his car and roared down the road at a high rate of speed. As he rounded a sharp curve, he suddenly took one hand off the wheel and his care veered out of control and tumbled into the ditch. The poor statistician was seriously injured. Why in the world did a statistician take such a risk and take one hand off the wheel? He just remembered that he wanted to do some FREEHAND SMOTTHING OF HIS SHCARTS!

91) 
We all have heard that statisticians lie with statistics. What do insomniacs do with statistics? They kick them out of bed!!!!

92) 
As a biologist, a physicist, and a statistician are riding on a train through Wisconsin, they pass a herd of cows, one of which is completely white. "Oh look, there are white cows in Wisconsin," says the biologist. "You mean," says the physicist with an air of superiority, "there is at least one white cow in Wisconsin." "No," says the statistician, "there is at least one cow in Wisconsin that's white on at least one side!" 
93) 
Five statisticians were selected by the World Unified Statistical Society (WUSS) to participate in a fourweek televised reality program. The stakes were high with the survivor receiving a million dollar check and a Cary Supercomputer. These statisticians represented the very best minds in their subfields and were picked on the basis of their uncanny abilities to utilize divergent thinking. The five were a Biometrician, a Psychometrician, an Actuary, a Pollster, and a Professor of Statistics. Each was given a pocket calculator and a box of Ritz crackers and airlifted to a small uninhabited atoll in the South Pacific. Each week for three weeks one statistician was voted off the island and at the end of the fourth week the entire membership of WUSS voted on the winner from the remaining twosome. Can you pic, the survivor and ultimate champion? THERE WERE NO SURVIVORS!!! After the third day all had perished and the program was cancelled. The million dollars was given to Statisticians Anonymous (SA) and the Cray Computer was donated to Wood Will Industries.

94) 
A prisoner had just been sentenced for a heinous crime and was returned to his cell. An inquisitive guard could not wait to ask him about the outcome. Guard: "What did you get for a sentence?" A physician makes an analysis of a complex illness whereas a statistician makes you ill with a complex analysis!

95) 
What is the difference between an introverted and extraverted statistician? The introverted statistician stares DOWN at his shoes whereas the extraverted statistician stares OVER at your shoes!!!

96) 
Have you heard about the statistics jokes gone horribly wrong? Even the undergrads could understand it!! of humor even though she was shocked that I liked it.

97) 
Three ladies, formerly roommates at college met monthly for lunch. This month's topic of conversation turned to catching husbands. Sue said she was going to take advantage of the upcoming 3day weekend to fly to Acapulco and scout the pool at Club Med. Julies said she was going to bite the bullet and sign herself up at one of those video dating services. Kate said she was flying to Chicago for the International Conference of Statisticians. Sue looked puzzled; Julie said, "Huh?" Kate responded by telling them that 86% of Statisticians were single males under the age of 37. Sue said, "Wow! Odds are good!" Julie said, "Yeah, but the goods are odd."

98) 
A statistician always HAS SOMETHING TO SAY with numbers while a politician always HAS TO SAY SOMETHING with numbers!

99) 
A man was in a hotair balloon. Soon he found himself lost with nothing but green fields for as far as the eye could see. Eventually, he happened to float over a man who was walking his dog. He leaned over the basket and yelled out, "Hello! Where am I?" The man on the ground replied, "You're about 20 feet about the ground in a hotair balloon." The balloonist cursed him and shouted back, "You must be a statistician." "Why do you say that?" asked the man on the ground. "Well," shouted the balloonist, "You're absolutely correct but your answer was completely useless." "Oh, I see," replied the walker, "And you must be a manager." "Actually, you're right," said the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the walker, "First you were lost. Then, after working out what information you needed to sort yourself out, you asked someone else to get it for you. Now, that you have the information, you're still lost, but it's someone else's fault." 
100) 
THE TRUE BELL CURVE  The distribution of SUCCESS in life in relationship to AGE follows a true bell curve (Modified July 8, 2005): At age 5, success is not peeing in your pants
